Physics Jokes!!

[Fibonacci924]

I felt like this topic is much needed. I'll start.

A Higgs Boson walks into a church. The priest says, "You don't belong here, you call yourself the god particle! That's sacrilegious!!"
The Higgs Boson replied, "Without me, how could you have mass?"

[GoofyFoofer]

A neutron walked into a bar and asked, "How much for a drink?" The bartender replied, "For you, no charge."

[samlan16]

Just a bit modified for B divisioners (okay, very modified), but...

Q: What right hand rule do you use on a bad teacher?
A: Stick your thumb up and rotate your wrist 180 degrees counterclockwise.

[Fibonacci924]

Just a bit modified for B divisioners (okay, very modified), but...

Q: What right hand rule do you use on a bad teacher?
A: Stick your thumb up and rotate your wrist 180 degrees counterclockwise.

Wow. I really should use that. The modified version of course.

[scruz1331]

Q: Two cats are on a roof, which one falls off first?
A: The one with the smaller mew!

[c-trast]

Q: Two cats are on a roof, which one falls off first?
A: The one with the smaller mew!

I like this one.

[blindmewithscience]

Not my own.
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm were on a road trip when they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Sorry officer, I don't" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now we're lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"Ugh, we do now!" shouts Schrodinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

[InfiniCuber]

Not my own.
Heisenberg, Schrodinger and Ohm were on a road trip when they get pulled over. Heisenberg is driving and the cop asks him "Do you know how fast you were going?"
"Sorry officer, I don't" Heisenberg replies.
The cop says "You were doing 55 in a 35." Heisenberg throws up his hands and shouts "Great! Now we're lost!"
The cop thinks this is suspicious and orders him to pop open the trunk. He checks it out and says "Do you know you have a dead cat back here?"
"Ugh, we do now!" shouts Schrodinger.
The cop moves to arrest them. Ohm resists.

I absolutely love this xDD

[samlan16]

Q: Why are quantum physicists bad at dancing?
A: Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, but when they find the momentum, they can't find the position.

[UTF-8 U+6211 U+662F]

Making it up as I go:

Bob: What time is it?
BobVersion23: There is no absolute time due to conservation of energy. Do you mean what zero is it? In that case, it's absolute zero!
Bob: What other temperatures are important?
BobVersion23: I'll tell you if you can fill in the blank: What happens at ______'s temperature?
Bob: Planck's temperature (TP)!
BobVersion23: Doesn't TP stand for toilet paper?
Conclusion: Physicists don't know what will happen when conditions are hotter than toilet paper because Bob doesn't know what time it is.