Corny Science Jokes

[phil9047]

Since most people here enjoy science, it might be a good idea to have a list of science jokes (for future reference maybe? ) I'll start off with two of my favorites:
I've recently decided to freeze myself to -273 degrees Celsius. My friends thought I would die, but I'm 0K.
I heard that Oxygen and Magnesium were going out, and I was like O-Mg.

[ceg7654]

For all you Entomology people like me out there:

What do you call a Drosophilia that likes to drink? A bar fly.

[Schrodingerscat]

One of my favorite physics jokes I have seen around the internet:

Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving in a car that is pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to Heisenberg, who was driving, and asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" To which Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am." The officer decides to search the cars trunk. After opening it, he walks back over to the car window and asks, "Are you aware that there is a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies to this saying, "Now I am."

[phil9047]

One of my favorite physics jokes I have seen around the internet:

Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving in a car that is pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to Heisenberg, who was driving, and asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" To which Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am." The officer decides to search the cars trunk. After opening it, he walks back over to the car window and asks, "Are you aware that there is a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies to this saying, "Now I am."

Ahhhh, Heisenberg uncertainty principle. I'm afraid most people won't understand it, but I'll try that once I'm 18 (or whenever I start driving).

[ThatRoboGuy]

Had a debate over Schrodinger's Cat with someone older than me by 6 years.
And won.

[Mr_Lund]

Schrodinger and Heisenberg are driving in a car that is pulled over by a police officer. The officer walks up to Heisenberg, who was driving, and asks "Do you know how fast you were going?" To which Heisenberg replies, "No, but I know where I am." The officer decides to search the cars trunk. After opening it, he walks back over to the car window and asks, "Are you aware that there is a dead cat in your trunk?" Schrodinger replies to this saying, "Now I am."

I have not heard the cat in the trunk part. That's new to me.

The way I've heard the joke is that to officer asks if they know how fast they were going, Heisenberg says, "No, but I know where I am." The kneficer replies, "You were traveling at 90 miles per hour." Heisenberg replies, "Great, now I have no idea where I'm going!"

Explanation: With the uncertainty principle, you can not simultaneously know both location and momentum. However, momentum is mass time velocity, and velocity includes direction. Assuming the car's mass is known, if you know a particle's location, you CAN also know it's exact speed, but then you can not know the direction, and thus, you only know one component of the velocity, and therefore, you don't know the velocity.

Here's an excellent one I heard recently:

Einstein, Pascal, and Newton are playing hide and seek. It's Einstein's turn to count. He covers his eyes and Pascal runs and hides. Newton takes out a meter stick and uses it to draw a square in the dirt. He then stands inside it, right in front of Einstein. When Einstein opens his eyes, he sees Newton instantly. "Isaac, you are not very good at this game...I found you." Newton replies, "No, you did not find a Newton. You found a Newton over a square meter. Thus, you found a Pascal."

Bah-dump bump!

[1nxtmonster]

A really cheesy one for you shock value people:

What did one resistor say to another when he heard about his friend's accident? Ohm my goodness

[John Richardsim]

What did topaz say to garnet? "You smell like schist"
What did the bacterium say to the virus? "Get a life"
What did the bacteria say to the fungi? "We were breaking down dead and decaying organisms before it was cool. You're all total decomPOSERS"
What's methionine's favorite mineral? AUGite

[1nxtmonster]

So at regionals there was a delay for the results for write-it-do-it, so people went on stage to tell some science jokes. Some good ones:

Well, I was going to tell a chemistry joke, but I didn't think I would get a reaction.

Argon walked into a bar. The bartender said, "Sorry sir, we don't serve noble gasses." Argon didn't react.

A neutron walks into a bar. The bartender says, "That will be free, sir. No charge"

[UQOnyx]

I would tell a chemistry joke, but looking at the thread, I guess all the good ones argon...