Save the person on top of you!

[UTF-8 U+6211 U+662F]

So I jumped on top of Steve Jobs made him go back to the dead, but then Bill Gates appeared out of nowhere and started relieving himself on me...

I let you die, so you'll no longer have to feel the stress of life. But then, your ghost comes out and starts attacking me.

I say you will die and superman comes in hits me in the head, but I call on my zombie army to fight him off while I stab you with my bone sword

You're not in trouble, so I don't bother saving you, but then, you start stabbing me with a bone sword.

[Magikarpmaster629]

I let you die, so you'll no longer have to feel the stress of life. But then, your ghost comes out and starts attacking me.

I say you will die and superman comes in hits me in the head, but I call on my zombie army to fight him off while I stab you with my bone sword

You're not in trouble, so I don't bother saving you, but then, you start stabbing me with a bone sword.

...

[Jaol]

I make a machine that reverses the effects but Perry the Platypus hits the self destruct button.

[UTF-8 U+6211 U+662F]

I make a machine that reverses the effects but Perry the Platypus hits the self destruct button.

but then I tell him that you weren't Dr. D and helped him build it back, but then Dr. D comes and makes a really bad joke.

[Jaol]

I then replace Dr.D's vocal chords with those of a girraffe but the girraffe now that can speak says it's gonna eat everyone.

[aditi]

I then replace Dr.D's vocal chords with those of a girraffe but the girraffe now that can speak says it's gonna eat everyone.

My name is no one and I save everyone, but someone tries to eat me.

[Tailsfan101]

I give them a Big Mac to eat on, but they get addicted to them and eat so many they're about to blow up.
EDIT: Post Revival!

[NeBH]

Then I materialize my Tardis around you!
But, Mels shot it, so I can't take off, and it's(rather, she's) filling with smoke.

[Tailsfan101]

Then I break out the fire extinguishers!
But someone sneaks in and tampered with the circuits.

[Fanglin]

I'll stop by Ace Hardware on my way to school and get you some new ones.
...but I left my AP physics test cheat sheet at home!