Re: Scioly Assassination 152: Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated!
Posted: November 9th, 2020, 10:49 am
Doofenshmirtz Evil, Incorporated!
Booknerd the Bear falls through the roof of the penthouse, right into a large Staples box left carelessly(?) in the middle of the floor. Doofenshmirtz bursts out of a nearby pile of crumpled paper, and tapes the box shut. "Ah, Booknerd the Bear, I was hoping you'd arrive! It's a lovely afternoon, isn't it? Just the right weather for an evil scheme! You... can you hear me all right from in there? Okay, good. Backstory time!
"When I was a boy growing up in Gimmelshtump, my family was too poor to afford paper to write or draw on. So, when I grew too old to guard the garden as a gnome, I was given the job of making paper from old wood scraps. It was awful! All day and all night, grinding up the wood, soaking it, pressing it, and hanging it! It smelled awful, and it was exhausting--but the worst part was the papercuts. Whenever I took down the large paper sheets to cut them into 8 and 1/2 by 11 pages, I would get a papercut somewhere on my hand. It was never the same location, either--by the end of a week, my hand would burn too much to hold the scissors properly, so I had to cut the pages with my teeth!
"My goody-two-shoes brother, Roger, never had to do any of the work, since he was our mother's faaavorite. He never had to experience the excruciating pain of a paper corner slicing his skin! So now, behold, the PAPER-CUT-INATOR!" A spotlight turns on above what seems to be a giant copy machine. "With this, I can fire slices of paper up to ten miles, at bullet speed! All I need to do is aim towards his office, press the button, and--wait, Booknerd the Bear, you're still in that box, aren't you. Here, I'll let you out so you can see--oh, you ripped your way out yourself? Good." Booknerd the Bear gazes at the Paper-Cut-Inator in awe for a couple seconds, noticing it suspiciously pointed toward k1208438's apartment--then socks Doofenshmirtz across the room. Thinking quickly, the doctor climbs onto the Paper-Cut-Inator, cackling, "How would you like to feel death by a thousand papercuts?" He activates the machine, and it rumbles--and then grinds to a halt. "What? A paper jam?!" Booknerd the Bear sees the pressure building up in the machine, and takes the opportunity to leap out the window, paragliding to safety as the Paper-Cut-Inator explodes. A-gent B!
Back at O.W.C.A. headquarters, Major Monogram radios the agents from a remote location. "Good job, Other Agent B. Who knows who would have been caught up in the collateral damage, as the wind blows the paper around. Anywho, lately it seems that Doofenshmirtz has been disrupting our communications and internet link. We're not sure what this means, but it can't be good. Find out what he's up to so Carl can stop complaining about getting kicked from Fall Guys."
Booknerd the Bear falls through the roof of the penthouse, right into a large Staples box left carelessly(?) in the middle of the floor. Doofenshmirtz bursts out of a nearby pile of crumpled paper, and tapes the box shut. "Ah, Booknerd the Bear, I was hoping you'd arrive! It's a lovely afternoon, isn't it? Just the right weather for an evil scheme! You... can you hear me all right from in there? Okay, good. Backstory time!
"When I was a boy growing up in Gimmelshtump, my family was too poor to afford paper to write or draw on. So, when I grew too old to guard the garden as a gnome, I was given the job of making paper from old wood scraps. It was awful! All day and all night, grinding up the wood, soaking it, pressing it, and hanging it! It smelled awful, and it was exhausting--but the worst part was the papercuts. Whenever I took down the large paper sheets to cut them into 8 and 1/2 by 11 pages, I would get a papercut somewhere on my hand. It was never the same location, either--by the end of a week, my hand would burn too much to hold the scissors properly, so I had to cut the pages with my teeth!
"My goody-two-shoes brother, Roger, never had to do any of the work, since he was our mother's faaavorite. He never had to experience the excruciating pain of a paper corner slicing his skin! So now, behold, the PAPER-CUT-INATOR!" A spotlight turns on above what seems to be a giant copy machine. "With this, I can fire slices of paper up to ten miles, at bullet speed! All I need to do is aim towards his office, press the button, and--wait, Booknerd the Bear, you're still in that box, aren't you. Here, I'll let you out so you can see--oh, you ripped your way out yourself? Good." Booknerd the Bear gazes at the Paper-Cut-Inator in awe for a couple seconds, noticing it suspiciously pointed toward k1208438's apartment--then socks Doofenshmirtz across the room. Thinking quickly, the doctor climbs onto the Paper-Cut-Inator, cackling, "How would you like to feel death by a thousand papercuts?" He activates the machine, and it rumbles--and then grinds to a halt. "What? A paper jam?!" Booknerd the Bear sees the pressure building up in the machine, and takes the opportunity to leap out the window, paragliding to safety as the Paper-Cut-Inator explodes. A-gent B!
Back at O.W.C.A. headquarters, Major Monogram radios the agents from a remote location. "Good job, Other Agent B. Who knows who would have been caught up in the collateral damage, as the wind blows the paper around. Anywho, lately it seems that Doofenshmirtz has been disrupting our communications and internet link. We're not sure what this means, but it can't be good. Find out what he's up to so Carl can stop complaining about getting kicked from Fall Guys."
) before, so it could show that I'm the backup. Not sure who here other than Booknerd would know about the above, though.
