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Isn't that a good thing (jk i'll save you...)
I hand you a bulletproof vest.

But the Anomalocaris canadensis is awoken, and it is angry with me so it attacks me with magic and trolls.

so i take us back into another dimension. but i forgot this is the one where the atmosphere is made of gaseous hydrochloric acid.

So I quickly flee and leave you to die.

I celebrate!
But then I realize how perverted this thread name could sound, and I get REALLY sick.

Then I shoot... I mean SAVE you with my gun for that last statement. But now everybody's mad at me for doing that so...
EDIT: Look at my title Cheesypie

we just go back to the day when you created this, and restart. Unfortunately we screw up the time continium by being in the same spot as ourselves in that time frame so we are all transfixed by seeing ourselves.

Fortunately, I dump water on you, waking you up. But now, you wanna kill me...

so i commit suicide thus creating balance in the Universe once again.
but then my girlfriend comes after you and tries to kill you.

Well, you are dead...
But his girlfriend is still trying to kill me...

The I like trains kid appears, says "I like trains," and the girlfriend is hit by a train.
However, Italy drives by, with Japan next to him. Japan is spazzing, and his head pops off and gives birth to an alien. (Hetalia reference)