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i throw the francium into water

but i forgot that it explodes on contact....

The water is covered by an airtight lid, so the francium doesn't catch fire.
But the lid is also made of francium, and I am in contact with it and therefore caught in the explosion.

so i call in christopher benzinger who has a time machine, and stops you before you do so and then moves us into the future...
But he goes too far and the world is devoid of an atmosphere!

I create a wormhole to go to a perpendicular universe in the present time.
Unfortunately, the perpendicular universe just has to be antimatter, and I'm made of regular matter, so... yeah.

I put you in my antimatter machine, but it turned the whole Midwest into antimatter.

But I disabled it before it does

by jumping into it

I use a time machine to save you before you die and take the blast instead...

so by moving at the speed of light i move you across the world

but i am out of control...

I attach a steering wheel to you and steer you.
But then the person who's car I stole the steering wheel from comes running at me with a flaming sword and a gun with poisoned bullets. I am unarmed.

but i run over that person (with a jelly car, which is not lethal)
however, I decide to eat my jelly car which sends me flying in the air without a vehicle to sit on