Scioly.org

...So I connect your internet cable but a pikachu shocks the wire and...

I call the electrician, but he's actually an ex-con who tried to assassinate the president and now has set his sights on me...

but I solve the kill clue and correctly guess that he is zzyzz98
but then moderators come after me because I spammed (thats a past tense I have stopped

I still cut your fingers off you that you can't spam (or do anything) on scioly.org. Your mom starts to eat me.

Your father comes in and eats your mom. You throw a pair of scissors at him and he dies. you go to an orphanage but all of the other children pull out guns(BIG GUNS, not pistols)

so i calm them down with food like candy and cookies.
buth then they get insanely hyper and i can't control them!!!

I lock them in a 3 cubic foot room and don't feed them.
But then the room explodes from being too full and I get trampled.

I use my telekinesis powers to lift you up.

But then my telekinetic waves are intercepted by a dancing whale, so I drop you from a height of 50 feet.

chuck norris round huose kicks you back into a hospital bed and then goes to fight Darth bane (if you aren't a super star wars fan you won't get this) then the night sisters start to make a force mind bomb and my force droid destroy and force passify force-users aren't working Help

Kennedy Junior High wins at regionals (again) and saves the world from a star wars obsession.
But the star wars cast lands back on earth to counter it.