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so i tactically snipe all the laser pointer people...
bu then i fall from my tree

I just used my body to protect you from a bullet when i just remembered, the shooter had nine more.

so i go up and flash like chuck and beat the living daylights out of that fool
but then the belgian hits me out of a gondola

So i rescue you from a nuclear waste land but run back for my X-Box.

so I rid the world of gaming systems...
then all the children in the world revolt against my communist ways!

i let them kill you... THE END
but not really, because I use a magical spell to bring you back from the dead!
but then I realize that the kids are coming for me now!

I try to save you from a cliff and then let go because you made me lose the game!

i make you stop thinking about the game
but then a disembodied tentacle appears and starts ripping my hair out

I rip the tentacle out of your hair and set it on fire, which makes it turn its attention to me.

So I killed it but I got infected with its tentacle goop