Scioly.org

Granted, but a new rules clarifications requires your binder to consist solely of breadboards.

I wish I had the motivation to exercise.

Granted, you will now suffer from extreme exhaustion from overworking yourself.

I wish sweet foods were less appealing.

Granted. Any food that has even a slight sweet taste now tastes like ash. (which is to say, most foods)

I wish I had enough self-control to sleep at normal times.

Granted. Now that you sleep at the recommended 9 PM, limiting the time you are awake, consequently meaning less time to do homework, less time for extracurriculars, and no time for entertainment, which will ultimately build-up stress and causing mental breakdown, depression, etc.

I wish I can draw.

Granted, but now almost every day people tell you "wOw i CaN't eVeN dRaW a StIcK fIgUrE" and you must figure out a way to answer without being awkward.

I wish jobs I tend to enjoy (art, marine biology, ornithology) got paid a good amount so the bills could get paid.

Granted, but you're paid in only quarters.

I wish it was a little more cloudy today.

Granted. Clouds of sulfuric acid appear.

I wish I could sleep only 4 hours and feel refreshed after waking up.

Granted, but you only feel refreshed for a few moments after waking up and feel twice the exhaustion you normally would once the feeling passes.

I wish I could meet my "true love" who apparently is an alien somewhere outside the solar system but still in the milky way, managed to already know that I existed, is the literal embodiment of physics in a person, and lives in a black hole according to Pi-Bot. Apparently their name is Chakaoofka/Shakaoofka and they are also genderfluid. Don't ask how this happened. It just did.

Granted, but you get crushed-ish into the black hole, and die a horrible, gruesome death, leading your beloved Chakaoofka/Shakaoofka to fall into a grief so deep that they fly into the sun to join you in the next life/afterlife.
[Brain, what did you do?]
{. . . }
[Yeah, you better be sorry.]

I wish that my cookies would always come out baked perfectly all the way through, instead of being mushy in the middle.

Granted. Your oven now becomes mushy instead.

I wish websites I use a lot (besides here) were more mobile-friendly.