if you dominated the world, then i, as your loyal subject, would graciously overthrow you and then dominate the world with my wife, willy wonka, ian, charlie, crazibanana_51, liltennisgirl, hernanda, kartik, josiah, and, of course, mr. jim. so as we flew to haiti to set up headquarters, Mr. Jim turned into his real form, a big huge dragon! he threw the squirrel suit into the atlantic ocean and said to my wife, "you have no idea how irritating is being that short." "um, mr. jim- i mean Dad- im only 4'11''. remember?" "oh yeah. you're a little short idjit. i forgot!" and that's when all of the abusive comments started flying, and eventually hernanda got shoved out of the plane. because he called mr. jim a britney speares loving, albanian eating, color blind, vegetarian poser who didn't even know how to drive the silver car he claimed to know how to drive. well, needless to say, mr. jim got all defensive and called in his secret service men who grabbed hernanda and threw.....him....her.....it out of the little teeny tiny plane window. sadly, hernanda was wearing a cape, and got sucked into the plane's engine, making that particular engine 'splode. soon the whole fying contraption exploded. luckily we had had just enough time to put on the invincible chocolate suits willy wonka just happened to carry around in his back pocket. unfortunately, we were one suit short, so we sacrificed crazibanana_51, cuz she wasn't really part of the plan- she was supposed to die earlier in this story. right before she hit the churning waters of the atlantic, a big narwhal named BG came and swallowed her up. then the rest of us took a sobbing kartik and jumped out of the plane, into the great south americal rain forest called the amazon. now, it just so happens that we fell right into the middle of a secret leper colony that was lead by a big hedgehog named...um...rick. rick was working constantly to find a cure for leperosy, and so he didn't really notice when we fell into his camp. the lepers did though, and they came at us with teeth bared because it just so happens that rick's leper colony was also a cannibalistic society. yay! anyway, once again, we had to sacrifice one of our own. since kartik was really annoying, what with all his blubbering about his lost-love crazibanana_51, we gave him to the cannibals. then they were happy, and performed an initiation ceremony for us where we had to bite off our own left ears. this might sound impossible, but it is. when the colony realized that we couldn't bite off our own ears, they let us stay as guests anyway. one day, about 8 months after we landed in the amazon, a day like any other, crazibanana_51 walks into the camp, yelling for rick! "rick," she screeched. "rick! come here right now! just you wait til i tell you hat they did to me this time! they threw me out the fu-" "whoa, whoa!" one of the lepers yelled. "this is a clean story so far, with no cussing. can we try and keep it that way?" crazibanana_51 glared at him. "you creepy little as-" mr. jim casually walked up to her and beat her over the head with an acorn. "i knew these would come in handy for something," he said, putting the acorn in a convenient pocket made out of his scales. "NO!!!" rick screamed. "you killed her! you killed the love of my life! no matter how many times i made fun of her lunchtime desserts, i still loved her!" "what did you just say?!?!" yelled a short girl with black hair who's name was...um...cindy. "how dare you?!?! i thought i was the love of your life, the apple of your eye, the cinnamon to your sugar, the jelly to your peanut butter, the cream to your coffee!! and now it comes out that she's the girl you've been in love with all these years! after all ive done for you! i bought you a shirt, i held your hand...i tried listening to your music......i.....uh........well, anyway, i did a whole bunch of stuff for you, and this is the repayment that i get? i want a divorce!" "we're not even married!" rick yelled. " and i do love you....when you're not near me! why do you think i sent you on so many secret missions to steall mr. jim's teriyaki recipe? it wasn't because you were good at it! just look around! he's been sitting right here, for the last 8 months, and you've been off i don't even know where, probably in mongolia, eating chicken! we almost had the recipe, when we sent those health department officials after him, but then you had to go and start up this colony as a disguise headquarters, when we have a perfectly fine base in siberia! but nooo- you just wanted to be positive that they would never think to look in siberia!" mr. jim was so outraged by their involvement in the demise of his teriyaki dream that he ate them both. he turned to the lepers and said, "do you guys really have lerperosy?" "nope," one of them said. "well, jake over there does, but no one cares about him. we're all cannibals though." "ok then. grab crazibanana_51 and let's go start my reign as Supremely Honorable Instigator of Teriyaki. if anyone opposes me, you guys can eat their pancreas. deal?" the cannibalistic leper colony that was actually just cannibalistic agreed, and we all went to our house in australia to plan. there we found hernanda in the kitchen making pancakes. "hello my darlings!" she said, putting the syrup on the table. "how did everything go after i blew up? oh my goodness! what happened to crazibanana_51? poor thing! where's that hunky kartik? shouldn't he be taking care of his lovely little bride?" (gross....i hate writing, thinkng, or typing the word "hunk"....ew.) my wife, mr. jim, and i all exchanged disgusted glances and went outside to go kangaroo hunting. mr. jim was in the mood to fry something, and my wife and i wanted to have a pet kangaroo. we found mr. jim a pretty boa constrictor, and we caught ourselves a lovely kangaroo. then we went and picked up willy and ian and went to romania to find some vampires. we found 2, and took them to our underground base in bulgaria. we left our kangaroo with them, with strict orders not to hurt it, and then we went to russia. there we found the army of turtles we had ordered, and put them in the base with the vampires and kangaroo. we went to spain and met up with liltennisgirl and josiah, who had been to kenya, to get a whole bunch of strong runners. ("Powerthirst"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qRuNxHqwazs ) we took them to the bulgarian base, and then went back to australia to get the cannibals. we put the cannibals in the base. in the atlantic ocean, we found BG the narwhal, and, once we had convinced him to come with us, he changed into a wicked awesome guy named Ryan! we took ryan to our base, and we talked with him whime we waited. and we waited. and waited. and waited. we weren't sure what we were waiting for exactly, but we kept waiting. then all of a sudden, the ground started to shake. there was a huge rumbling noise that made the vampire's ears hurt.then the ground exploded underneath us, and out came a huge spray of water, and out of the water came a whole army of starfish! the starfish were going to try and take over the world, but luckily, a starfish that im not actually really good friends with told me about the attack, and we were obviously able to pull our army together just in time! as liltennisgirl and i started shooting the starfish, my wife turned into a really rad looking blue and purple dragon. then she and mr. jim started eating the starfish. pretty soon though, they became sickened by what they were doing and vomited all over the flailing starfish. the army of turtles did what they had been trained to do- they turned into really klutzy ballerinas, and distracted the starfish so that the kangaroo could jump on them and crush them. the vampires, who i have no idea why we wanted there, went to chill in nepal for a while. when the battle was over, we had taken a few serious hits, but at least the stupid starfish were gone. josiah lay on the ground, gasping for air. he was pretty much useless during the fight, and so a lot of the starfish had jumped onto him before liltennisgirl had a chance to shoot them. they had almost suffocated him! as liltennisgirl tried to get him to breathe again, crazibanana_51 flung the door to the base open. "i can't believe you guys fed kartik to the cannibals! oh. hey ryan. what's going on?" "not much," he answered, "except that your friends just saved the world again, and all you wanna do is whine about a dude who you really didn't care about after he turned into a merman and had to live in a plastic bubble. now where are my mangloves? i think ill help mr. jim with his teriyaki dream- it sounds tasty." i handed ryan a pair of flowered oven mitts, and he pulled them on. he looked at mr. jim and said, "all right mr. jim. let's get cooking!" mr. jim looked at ryan as though he were the son he had never had. "im disowning you," he said to my wife. "you never cared about me anyway." "thank goodness!" my wife exclaimed. we decided to go to india to try and find a new 'kartik' for crazibanana_51. she didn't like anyone that we saw, until we boarded the plane to go to bhutan and she saw a really cute guy. "that guy is going to be my husband," she said, pointing. my wife and i exchanged looks of disbelief. the guy she was pointing at was none other than frumpleycakes, the despised baker from my other story! frumpleycakes and crazibanana_51 fell madly in love, and they got married in bangladesh, with a whole bunch of bagpipers. unfortunately, crazibanana_51 thought that one of the bagpipers was an assassin out to kill frumpleycakes, so she tried to tackle him, but ended up falling down a dark hole, through an endless abyss. frumpleycakes was so heartbroken that he threw himself down what he thought was an endless abyss, but which turned out to be an opening to the sewers of malaysia. and liltennisgirl, my wife and i, being the loyal friends that we are, threw some lunchables and juice boxes down the dark abyss that had swallowed crazibanana_51. that is, we did until we moved back to greenland and started a cream puff factory.
what if our cream puff factory teams up with mr. jim's teriyaki movement?
