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lol i get it. that's funny

I sprained my ankle playing the deadliest of all the contact sports: Duck, Duck, Goose.

so a proton walks into a bar and sits down at the counter. the bartender says "what'l you have". the proton says "give me a mohico" and the bartender says "are you positive"

that is so stupid nik

so an electron walks into the same bar and starts complaining about his life and the proton says "dude, dont be so negative"

*cough*loser*coughcough*

it wasn't that bad zorbak

i know i just have to heckle him because hes on my team and hes my freind

knock knock

who's there

open the door

open the door who

open the door for everlasting wonders

A man is living with his wife. One day he finds her lying on the floor and not moving. He calls an ambulance. They rush her to the hospital, and the man spends hours anxiously waiting in the waiting room. Finally, the doctor enters the waiting room.

"I have good news and bad news."

"Well, tell me the bad news first."

"Ok. Your wife had a stroke. Miraculasly, she survived. Unfoutunately, she has lost many of her brain functions to the stroke."

"Oh dear. What happened?"

"Your wife can no longer control her jaw muscles. This means that you will have to spoon-feed her baby food three times a day, and move her jaw for her.
She also lost all movement in her tounge, so she will only make this loud screeching noise when she tries to talk.
She can no longer bathe herself, so you will have to give her a sponge bath every day.
She can no longer tighten her sphincter muscles, she will have to wear a diaper and you will have to change her frequently.
She will also need to take this rare, expensive pill twice a day, and it is not covered by your insurance.
She has also lost the ability to communicate, so she will be very resistant to anything that you try to do to her. You should probably tie her hands before you feed or bathe her, so that she can't hurt you."

"Oh my gosh! What's the good news?"

"Naw, I'm just kiddin' with ya. She died!"