jokes

[rbejnood]

haha, lol.

[cypressfalls Robert]

blonde joke-
there was one blonde one brunette and one redhead and they were stuck in the middle of a desert. Suddenly, a genie pops up out of nowhere and gives them each one wish. The brunette goes first and says "I wish I was back in new york " and poof she was gone. The redhead said "I wish I was out of this desert " and poof she was gone. Finally when came the blonde's turn she said "Aw....I wish my friends were here to help me make this decesion" and poof her friends were there to "help" her!

[gneissisnice]

There are 10 kinds of people: Those that understand binary, and those that dont.

Im math dyslexic, but thats ok: 5 out of every 2 people are.

[GGuy5]

your mom

[Uncle Fester]

DYSLEXICS UNTIE! [/size]

[starpug]

I got some physics jokes

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Polymer physicists are into chains.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".

[sciencegeek100]

I got some physics jokes

Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love.

Polymer physicists are into chains.

What did the thermometer say to the graduated cylinder?

"You may have graduated but I've got many degrees".

LOL

heres another...
A neutron walks into a bar, sits down and asks for a drink. Finishing, the neutron asks "How much?"
The bartender says, "For you, no charge."

NASA decided to send a shuttle into space with two monkeys and an astronaut. They trained them for months. Then when they thought they were ready, they placed all three in the shuttle and got ready to send them up into space.
As the moment came closer NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey One. Initiate!"
At that the first monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle's engines ignited and the shuttle took off.
Two hours later NASA's mission control center announced, "This is mission control to Monkey Two. Initiate!"
At that the second monkey started typing like mad and suddenly the shuttle separated from the empty fuel tanks.
Another two hours later mission control announced, "This is mission control to the astronaut..."
At this the astronaut responded "I know, I know. Feed the monkeys and don't touch anything."

"If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?"
"The must incomprehensible thing about the universe is that it is comprehensible."
"Anyone who has never made a mistake has never tried anything new."
Try not to become a man of success but rather try to become a man of value.
"Gravitation can not be held responsible for people falling in love."
"You do not really understand something unless you can explain it to your
grandmother."
"The wireless telegraph is not difficult to understand. The ordinary telegraph is like a very long cat. You pull the tail in New York, and it meows in Los Angeles. The wireless is the same, only without the cat."
"When asked how World War III would be fought, Einstein replied that he didn't know. But he knew how World War IV would be fought: With sticks and stones!"
"Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S RELATIVITY."
"Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing."
"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe."
All quotes by Albert Einstein

[sciencegeek100]

blonde joke-
there was one blonde one brunette and one redhead and they were stuck in the middle of a desert. Suddenly, a genie pops up out of nowhere and gives them each one wish. The brunette goes first and says "I wish I was back in new york " and poof she was gone. The redhead said "I wish I was out of this desert " and poof she was gone. Finally when came the blonde's turn she said "Aw....I wish my friends were here to help me make this decesion" and poof her friends were there to "help" her!

[cypressfalls Robert]

Hispanic joke-
Why can you not let Hispanics play Uno(card game)???

They take all of the green cards
no ofense to hispanics

[rbejnood]

1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your house
faster than an ambulance.


2. Only in America......are there handicap parking places in front of a
skating rink.


3. Only in America......do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the
back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy
cigarettes at the front.


4. Only in America......do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries,
and a diet coke.


5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors open and then chain the
pens to the counters.


6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the
driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.


7. Only in
America......do we use answering machines
to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from
someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.


8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.


9. Only in America......do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'bloodsucking creatures'

. 10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille
lettering.


EVER WONDER...


Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed?


Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic
Wins
Lottery"?


Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?


Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?


Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made
with real lemons?


Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?


Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?


When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?


Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?


Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?


Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together?


If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?


If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the terminal?


------------------ In case you needed further proof that the human race is
doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on
consumer goods:


On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( that's the only time I
have to work on my
hair).


On a bag of Fritos:! ..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?


On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would
be how???....)


On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's
"just" a suggestion).


On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down."
(well...duh, a bit late, huh)!


On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."
(...and you thought????...)


On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but
wouldn't this save me more time?)


On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate
machinery after taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could
just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)


On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking
this because???....)


On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as
opposed to...what?)


On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now,
somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)


On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)


On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat
nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)


On a
child's superman costume: "Wearing of this
garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame
the parents for this one.)


On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands "
(..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)