What if?

[crazibanana_51]

Well... I would still have my girl scout cookies but I would be dead and Kartik would be lonely. Then Liltennisgirl would think she could have her cake and eat it too. By this Imean that she would try and get Kartik and Jackson who hadnt left. Then both wold divorce her and she would be lonely. To stop her lonelinness she would again go on a quest for Josiah and SAdistic_cottoncandy, her wife, Ian , and Willy would laugh at her pathetc attempt to woo him. Liltennis girl would then go into hiding with her horses and if anyone but Josiah or us came near her the horses would trample them. I decided to come back to life and comfort my sweet Kartik who doesn't have a tail cuz sadistic_cottoncandy never wrote her 2nd story.
What if I picked bullets out people when I'm older(you kno as a trauma surgeon)

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

then you would have a patient who had a bullet in his patella, and you would accidentally operate on his elbow. then he would sue you for half a million dollars, and since you're completely broke, you would have to ask me if you could borrow the money. i say, "sure crazibanana_51, here. take half a million fairy dollars." you give the money to the dude, and he gets mad and takes the machete that is conveniently left on a nearby table and chops you in half. as you lay on the ground, bleeding to death, my wife walks in and sees you there. she laughs so hard that she has a myocardial infarction! so then both of you are laying on the floor, you're starting to twitch and she can't breathe, when liltennisgirl walks in. she sees you both on the floor and rolls her eyes and says, "gah! you guys always do this! what is your problem? can't you just play nice for one minute?" she continues to lecture you about being good samaritans and not trying to kill each other, and you're about to stab her with the machete when in walks Willy Wonka. he spazzes out at the sight of my wife dying, and immediately starts performing CPR. luckily, it wasn't a fatal heart attack and she gets up and walks away with willy. they come and get me and they say, "hey. what's goin' on?" and i'm all like, "is crazibanana_51 in there, bleeding to death?" and they're like, "yeah." and i'm like, "that's cool." (cuz this is my United States of whatever!!! bit of Liam Lynch for you). then kartik finds out that we're all just standing there while you're dying, and he rolls in (he's still in his hamster ball) and tries to save you, but he can't actually do anything without pulling you into the hamster ball with him. he doesn't have a problem with that, but you do because you don't really want to be a mermaid. but, since it's the only way you can live, you decide, "oh, what the hay," and then kartik attaches a really cute purple colored fish tail to your severed waist. it's a tight fit, cuz the tail is meant for a 6 year old, but you suck it in. when we see that you're all right, ian o'shea, willy, my wife, liltennisgirl, josiah, and i all head to Australia, to play with the dingoes. "throw some shrimp on the barbie!" i yell at josiah. he looks at me like im crazy, but he goes out and buys a blond haired barbie and some Jumbo shrimp. then we roast the barbies and shrimp outside in the blistering sun. it tasted delicious. i walked back into the house with ian, but remembered that the doll that i had lost back in kindergarten was still missing. i don't know why i remembered this fact now, but i asked my wife where she thought it might be, and she flailed her arms and yelled, "maybe the dingo ate your baby!!" at which point a bunch of communists came out from behind the bushes and yelled at us to get in the helicopters which we hadn't noticed until now because we were so distracted by the shrimp and barbie cookout. they flew us to asia, where we learned the art of ninjitsu and how to be samurai warriors. while we were there, we decided to go on a japanese betting gameshow called Banzai. no one did very well except for ian, so we decided to come back to the states and see how crazibanana_51 was doing. sadly, she had died because the mermaid that was betrothed to kartik got all jealous and stole her father's trident and stabbed crazibanana_51 through her abdominal aorta, and there are only so many stab wounds a girl can take. we looked up her grave, and went to go and visit it. that was about the time we realized that kartik had buried himself alive next to her. however, he's not very good at committing suicide because he forgot to get himself out of the plastic bubble thing he was in. so josiah and ian and willy dug him out. then we went to find merlin the wizard. it took us a while, but we finally tracked him down to a little town outside of mexico city. he was chillin' with the natives and drinking margaritas!! so then we decided that his lifestyle was way wiser than ours, and we drank margaritas and ate Mexican peanuts for the next 7 years. by that time, liltennisgirl had caught up to us, and josiah finally asked her to marry him and she said yes. she asked my wife and i to be her bridesmaids, but we refused because we didn't think it would look very good if we were up in front of everyone making faces at liltennisgirl and trying to get her to do a pig snort laugh thing. we sat in the front row anyway though. she looked very beautiful in a white sleeveless dress. that is, she did in mexico. but liltennisgirl decided to have her wedding in antarctica, where she could have penguins and polar bears as her bridesmaids and groomsmen. unfortunately, liltennisgirl nearly froze to death, and so then we had to go to africa to thaw her out. sadly, josiah got so drunk that he fell off the plane (for some reason, he's an adventurous drunk, and he decided to sit on top of the plane instead of inside the plane.) and landed in the pacific ocean where the very same heartbroken jealous jerk who killed crazibanana_51 took him and was just about to turn him into a merman when she got eaten by a leopluradon. after we fished josiah out of the ocean with big butterfly net, we flew the rest of the way to africa, where crazibanana_51 showed up, and lo and behold! she had legs. it turned out that her dead-undead-dead boyfriend, Jimmy-boy, brought her back to life, using flaming hot cheetos and a bottle of the blue gatorade frost. then, just so that she could have what she wanted, Jimmy-boy gave crazibanana_51 his very own legs. she was so touched by his display of love and devotion that she decided to marry him. so when she turned up in africa, she and jimmy-boy got married, and josiah and liltennisgirl got married and my wife (and her husband willy wonka), my husband (ian) and i all lived happily ever after.

what if the dingo ate your baby?

[RaiderRed1026]

then a dingo ate your baby.

What if computers didn't exsist?

[RaiderRed1026]

then a dingo ate your baby.

What if computers didn't exsist?

bad question, what if dingo's were pets, but not domesticated?

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

then they would eat you too.
what if James Stark were real and i was his Zoey (i would never want to be Zoey-too much responsibility!)

[cooltiger]

Then People who where in scioly would rule the world! (don't ask me how thats supposed to happen)

What if Scioly never exisited

[2win]

Your books will sell good because I just spent time reading all of that instead of doing something else. It was really good and funny.
What if a comet hit the earth?

[scigeek95]

Maybe Superman would finally come and save us!
What if there were only girls in scioly?

[scigeek95]

Sorry, accidentally posted twice.

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

if there were only girls in scioly, my team would be totally screwed, and we would utterly fail at regionals. then crazibanana_51 and liltennisgirl would be so depressed that they would whine to their husbands about it. then jimmy-boy, that strapping young athlete, would sneak into the nationals award ceremony, and he would be just pulling his arm back to hit that stupid feminist that made scioly an all girls thing (that stupid feminist would also be the award lady) when josiah would pop up and be all like "hey dude! don't do that!" but it 's too late. jimmy-boy's fist would collide with the lady's skull and a mob of angry nerd girls would jump him. we all decide to hold a trial for him- cuz we're just that nice- and he, of course is found guilty. then liltennisgirl, my wife, and i (crazibanana_51 refused to take part in any of this) get all dressed up in our totally rad priestess outfits. then we smear lip gloss across our faces to make it look like war paint. we tie jimmy-boy up, and then we stick him on a wooden stake, like they did with cap'n jack in pirates 2, and we carried jimmy-boy to the torture chamber (which looked strangely like a Burger King playplace....), with my wife and i carrying jimmy-boy, crazibanana_51 sobbing hysterically behind us, and liltennisgirl mumbling weird incantations.when we get to the torture room place, we each went to our predetermined places. first, i forcefed him 1000 of those gross Peeps (the sugary marshmallow candy stuff). second, liltennisgirl put him in an iron maiden until all the lard he gained from the Peeps oozed out (gross, i know). then we made him watch 16 candles (i personally think that that movie is hilarious) while my wife and i put on sunglasses and painted his fingernails a bright, hot pink. we were just about to start painting his toenails when crazibanana_51 screamed and tried to knock the nail polish away from us. being the klutz that she is, she knocked it towards us, and the da...uh....dang stuff splached all over our shoes. "gah!" i yelled. "you disgusting wench! look what you did! you know what you deserve?" " a bubble bath?" she asked. "NO!" i yelled. "you deserve to crap a monkey!" there was an audible gasp from every mouth in the room. "ian, would you please take crazibanana_51 to our house in australia? stay with her until i come." "okey-day," he said, and took crazibanana_51 out to the conveniently placed private jet that just so happened to belong to Willy Wonka. i turned back to jimmy-boy...he was now well into the babbling stage. "i can't wait to go back home to australia and my Dancing Dingoes company," liltennisgirl said with a perky giggle. i rolled my eyes. "....mom told me she wouldn't like it....." jimmy-boy mumbled. "had to try at least.....pink bow around the neck......blue one on the tail....mascara....................lip gloss,,,,,,blush.............................dad said a boy shouldn't know so much about make up (gah! awesome time for "My Whole Family" by boburnham, youtube vid)..............stupid iguana bit me when i tried to put on the eyeliner...... went to zzzzzzzzoo with crazibanana_51...........iguana exhibit scared me half to death....kept her arms crossed the entire time.................thought she didn't like me.................got married......love each other now........she gave them the nail polish.....she betrayed us she did! SHE DOESN'T LOVES US, PRECIOUS!!! WHY DOESN'T SHE LOVES US?!?! WHY WOULD SHE GIVES THEM THE NASTY NASTY NAIL POLISH???!?! TELLS US, PRECIOUS! TELLS US! WHAT'S THAT? WHAT IS THATS?? IS IT AN IGUANA? WE KNOWS IT IS!! TELLS US!! IS IT 'GUANA?? KEEPS THE 'GUANA MONSTER WAY FROM US! DON'T TOUCHES US WITH TH-" jimmy-boy's screams cut off as liltennisgirl plunged the syringe full of anesthetic into jimmy-boy's neck. "how long will that last?" my wife asked. "well, how am i supposed to know that?" came the reply. "josiah grab him and let's go to the other conveniently placed private jet that also just happens to be owned by us." we went out to the plane and i told the pilot, "take us to australia please." "ok," the pilot said. my wife and i looked at each other in horror. "it can't be!" she whispered. "it's impossible!" i whispered back. "it's Charlie Tiberius Caesar Dermot Estaban the hedgehog!" liltennisgirl screamed. "and his trusty sidekick, Mister Jim the squirrel!"liltennisgirl starts spazzing out. my wife and i take one look at her and shove her out the door of the plane, into the atlantic ocean. (because the door to the plane was left "accidentally" open......right.) "NO!" josiah screamed. then he jumped out the door after her. unfortunately for him, he did this weird dive thing to where he jumped too slow and slammed headfirst into the wing of the plane. willy grabbed him and put him in the recently vacated pilot seat (Charlie Tiberius Caesar Dermot Estaban and Mister Jim had both climbed back into the passenger part of the plane.) his head hit the control panel, and a few missiles were shot off, but luckily his unusually small head hit the "auto pilot" button. "Charlie," my wife said, "why? you were such a good sneezing ax murderer. what happened?" "i don't really know," he answered. "it all started back when i met Mr. Jim here. weird.....i do believe that you're the reason i have no moral values now! some friend you are!" and with that, Charlie Tiberius Caesar Dermot Estaban was Charlie Tiberius Caesar Dermot Estaban no more. he pulled off the hedghog suit and wagged his tail. now he was just Charlie, the family dog of *gasp* crazibanana_51!!! "NOOOOO!!!!" Mr. Jim howled. "Charlie, we were so close! we were so close to our goal of completely taking over the food world and filling it with absolute deliciousness!!! what's wrong with you? don't you care that you just completely squelched (tee hee...funny word) my dreams of becoming Supremely Honorable Instigator of Teriyaki?!?" my wife and i looked at each other, each thinking the same thing. if Mr. Jim ever wanted to use an acronym for his name, then the late night comedy talk shows would have an absolute field day. as it was, everyone in the plane was rolling on the floor in laughter. even jimmy-boy managed a weak little laugh. "gah! you people just don't understand! i could have ruled the world!! it would have been glorious!" he continued to rant until willy- who, i should mention, has the most irrational fear of squirrels- grabbed Mr. Jim and threw him out the window. as he fell, Mr. Jim pointed at my wife and yelled, "I am your father!!"
(whoa! cliff ending! what will happen to crazibanana_51 and jimmy-boy? what will happen to liltennisgirl and josiah? what will happen to my wife's emotional balance after that last dramatic statement?)
more importantly, what if Mr. Jim fulfills his tasty sounding dream of becoming the Supremely Honorable Instigator of Teriyaki?