Uncle Fester wrote:Okay, after some 17 years with Indiana Science Olympiad, all the kids in Indiana had finally heard all my "little stories" enough times to where they memorized them in agonizing detail. So, some wise-alec assigned all the stories numbers. "Remember in '06 when Uncle Fester told story number 13?", and everyone would laugh.
Instead of being insulted (like some thought I would), I thought taht it was not only funny, I could now tell a long story and still finish early, not get stage fright, never screw up the punch line, and best of all, not start stuttering. Someone would introdue me, I'd walk up to the mike, announce the joke number, and I was done. TA_DAA!
Well, not too long ago, someone in Tina's office came up with the idea: "Instead of having Uncle Fester drive 320 miles each way, who doesn't ONE OF US just walk up and tell the joke? After all, they're all numbered and everyone knows them. Heck, just calling out a random numbe should work."
So, they tried it. At a recent invitational, "Disco DJ" walks up to the mike. "SEVENTEEN".
Dead silence.
He tries again. "NINE". A scattering of boos and groans.
He tries one more time. "ELEVEN". Massive boos, hands over eyes, etc.
One lone voice from the back calls out. "I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN FESTER TOLD IT!"
haha, funny.
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2012 Events:
Dynamic Planet
Sounds of Music
Optics
Remote Sensing
but but but. (i would probly forget yes that would also in clude pushing the enter bootom a few time) push push push ...wait what was the punchline? that would just be embrassing.
Thread's kinda slow, and someone asked me to re-tell this one. . . . .
Some tournament years ago, I was running Mission when some coach came up to me, quite irate. I was taken aback, as I'd nevr met this coach before, hadn't run any team's Mission yet, and had no idea what she could possibly be upset about right off the bat.
She didn't give me long to wonder.
"Mister, I sure hope you actually know what you're doing. This Mission costs us $45.00 every time we run it, and three kids a half-hour each to set it up. We're tired of timers notr being ready, judges not noticing bonus points, and all kinds of other mistakes. We have a perfect machine and expect you to run things right."
I replied in my sweetness-and-purity voice (obviously an act), "Yes, Ma'am; we'll do a good job. After all, this is the best Mission crew around. My least experienced assistant has three Nationals, six State, and twelve Regional tournaments worth of experience. I'll put my full crew on it, and I guarantee nothing wil be overlooked."
So, in order to make sure I would get out of this mess alive, I checked all my crew again.
"Matthew, Delta Hat, you two are my extra eyes and ears for all the bonuses. Are you ready?"
They replied in unison, "We're ready when you're ready!"
"Bob the Bouncer, make sure no spectators interfere."
Bob, in his brand new XXXXL shirt, replied, "I'm ready when you're ready!"
"Jim_R, count touches."
"I'm ready when you're ready!"
Timers, be quick on those stopwatches. Listen to the chirps before and after and make mental notes who started and stopped first."
Bear & Pencilspinner chorused, "We're ready when you're ready!"
We were off and running. "Three, two, one, DROP!" The Mission device started with a roar. Lights flashed, Whoopie Cushions thundered, chemicals mixed, an Etch-A-Sketch drew the Mona Lisa, wintergreen Life Savers sparked, and a magnificently evil odor quickly filled every cfrevice in the Alumni Hall. Fifty-eight, fifty-nine, sixty seconds exact;ly, and it was all over.
The silence was as deafening as the machine's run.
"Good job scoring, Matthew and Delta Hat!"
"Thank you, Fester!" they replied.
"NO touches, Fester!" called out Jim.
"I blocked sixteen illegal cameras with my svelte waistline, Fester", boomed Bob the Bouncer.
"Attaboy, Bob!" I replied. "Timers! What's on your stopwatches?"
Bearasaurus and Pencilspinner called out, "WE'RE READY WHEN YOU'RE READY!"
Uncle Fester, Maker & Fiction Science Writer
The Misadventures of the Electric Detention
The Revenge of the Electric Detention
The Curse of the Electric Detention
>> Three full-length adventures, 26 short stories and counting!
I started adding "little stuff" that would make it obvious (if you knew what to look for) if it was true or just a joke. Here:
an Etch-A-Sketch drew the Mona Lisa
Uncle Fester, Maker & Fiction Science Writer
The Misadventures of the Electric Detention
The Revenge of the Electric Detention
The Curse of the Electric Detention
>> Three full-length adventures, 26 short stories and counting!
