What if?

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

he'd probably end up "protecting" my chest again.
what if i kick a cub scout in the face at the parade on saturday? (i think id probly laugh)

[crazibanana_51]

Your aunt would eat your soul
What if Chuck Norris bit the head off of batman

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

i would cry....and then get Bruce Lee to rip Chuck's head off.
What if chuck norris died?

[crazibanana_51]

Then the world would end and it would rain for a year because God was so sad
What if I had an endless suppy of girl scout cookies and couldnt get fat? (Cant do that now for that matter)

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

then i would come and live with you and we'd be the happiest people on the face of the earth until your boyfriend found out and got really freaked that you had Girl Scout cookies and told me but not him. then he would get all insecure because he would think that you were falling for me (he found out about me and my wife a long time ago and didn't believe us when we said that we were just joking) and so then he stayed with you for a few more months. but then he decided that your guys' relationship was soooo not worth the constant anger and depression and jealousy, so then he killed himself and you got all depressed, but not enough to kill yourself because your now dead boyfriend was right about one thing- you falling for me. so you tried to get me to go out with you, and i said "whoa, dude! you know i don't roll like that!" and you were so depressed that you held a seance to try and get your boyfriend to come back to you but he wouldn't come because he heard you say that you didn't love boys- you just liked them until you decided to marry one and THEN you would love boys...or maybe just one boy. anyway, he wouldn't come and then you got sucked into the occult and i had to perform an exorcism, but something went terribly wrong and earth was sucked into a weird alternate universe where it was known as Iceland instead of earth. cathloism was the main religion in Iceland (then my wife and i ran the world because of course we're the popes of cathloism.) anyway, the powerpuff girls were like the national guard in Iceland, and batman-who's head, unfortunately, was being digested in Chuck Norris's GI tract at the time- was like the president, and my wife and i controlled him like he was Pinocchio. oh, and you were our secretary of defense, along with liltennisgirl, and got together an army of fish-eating hedgehogs. then we attacked Greenland, which was actually mercury in the real world. unfortunately, we got to close to the sun and Iceland caught fire and then slowly burned (while "I Caught Fire" by the Used played in the background) til everyone and everything on it was dead. except for you, my wife, liltennisgirl, Jackson Rathbone, Daniel, Kartik (just thought i'd throw him in there cuz he's so darn cute), Ian O'Shea (from The Host by Stephenie Meyer- he's my favorite character, so i couldn't just leave him there!), Willy Wonka, and me. then you fell in love with Kartik, and he loved you back, and you were about to get married when that stupid boyfriend that killed himself earlier came back from the dead and tried to kill Kartik with a 55 caliber handgun, but you got in the way and ended up dying instead. your undead ex-boyfriend was really sad, and went to work in a chocolate factory that was run by Willy Wonka, who my wife and i are very good friends with, and as revenge for you, we had Willy make sure that your boyfriend fell into a mosh pit of oompa loompas and then died.... the nonexistant media (because everyone is dead except for a total of 7 people) said that it was all just a horrible accident. so then Ian and i got married, and liltennisgirl married Jackson, and my wife married Daniel, but they got divorced because he wasn't emo enough for her. so then she stole Jackson from liltennisgirl and liltennisgirl got mad and tried to marry Kartik, but he was still so depressed by your death that he went and became a lumberjack and cut down that stupid tree that ate him in The Sweet Far Thing, and he ended up joining the cathloic church and became one of our best bishops of all time. anyway, that left katie without a husband, and she killed herself too. and then there were 6. so then the 6 of us decided to get together and form a secret club where no boys were allowed....but since 4 of the six people were dudes, that didn't work out very well. then, Greenland-which, in case i didn't say so beforehand, had melted and was now a planet covered in water- sent their army of goldfish (who rolled around in hamster balls filled with water) at us and then, since we didn't have our army of fish eating hedgehogs with us because they kinda 'sploded during the attack on Greenland, the goldfish were about to eat us when the world snapped back to reality and James Bond was there, with you and liltennisgirl, and we were the only ones left on the face of the planet. me, you, James Bond, Willy Wonka, liltennisgirl, my wife, Ian O'Shea, Kartik, and Daniel were the only ones left on earth, so we decided to eat a whole bunch of Twizzlers, Kit Kats, and Knolla's pizza until we died in Italy with a whole school of goldfish as pets. and just think....all of the chaos could have been avoided if you had just controlled your greed for Girl Scout cookies.
what if i became an author when i grow up?

[cooltiger]

How am I supposed to know that?

What if I won 1st place at the nats in all my events and my team came in first?

[Liv]

THEN WE WOULD BEAT TEAM 1!!!!!!!!! LOL


What if I had a robot who eats cats??

[cooltiger]

Then cats would go extinct. And everyone would hate you because people like cats, and with them all gone rats are begining to take over the world.

What if rats took over the world?

[sadistic_cottoncandy]

well, first off, we would have another Bubonic Plague on our hands, and crazibanana_51 would come back from the dead and would be the doctor that treated everyone. but unfortunately, the medicine she used to treat it was actually a virus that changed everyone into soul-sucking guinea pigs. But alas, our heroes from when the world was sucked into and alternate universe (Kartik, my wife, Willy Wonka, Ian O'Shea, Jackson Rathbone, James Bond, liltennisgirl, Daniel, and me - if you're curious, see the previous page) came back from the dead, and weren't infected at all because they were INVINCIBLE!!! (if this were a movie, then the song "Invincible" by Ok Go would be playing in the background right now) crazibanana_51, who's mind was already completely warped, went into retreat in Greenland, where she started a cult that sacrificed porcupines once every Tuesday, promptly at half past three. When Kartik found out that she was alive again, he went to Greenland to be with her. On his way there, his plane crashed, and he fell into the water where he was about to drown when two hammerhead sharks came by and thought he was just so darn cute that they took him to their mer-king, who turned Kartik into a merman. Kartik was supposed to marry the princess, but instead he swam the rest of the way to Greenland where he was reunited with crazibanana_51. They got married, and got a big hamster ball and filled it with water so that Kartik could walk around on land. After a few years though, they had to go to marriage counseling because crazibanana_51 had some issues with the fact that her super hot husband had a fish tail. Meanwhile, back in the States, i was happily married to Ian, but James Bond kept trying to break us up. So then, my wife took an AK 47 and shot James Bond. Then she divorced Jackson Rathbone, and married Willy Wonka. The four of us- Ian, me, Willy Wonka, and my wife- all moved to Switzerland. Liltennisgirl finally remarried Jackson, and, just to be on the safe side, they moved to Greenland, completely unaware that Kartik and his psycho wife were living there. When crazibanana_51 saw how cute Jackson Rathbone was, and then, realizing that he had legs and her own cute husband didn't, she proceeded to try and steal Jackson from liltennisgirl. Liltennisgirl got a restraining order for crazibanana_51 because that stupid jerk kept trying to steal Jackson and his legs from her. Crazibanana_51 didn't really follow the restraining order restrictions because she's dyslexic and thought that the order said 1 inch instead of 1000 miles. So while liltennisgirl was buying a pit bull, crazibanana_51 stuffed Jackson into a body bag. Conveniently, Jackson didn't put up any fight, and went willingly into the unmarked white van that crazibanana_51 told him to because she bribed him with a lifetime supply of Girl Scout Cookies. Liltennisgirl was devastated, until she remembered that Kartik was currently available, and his love for his psycho wife was pretty much dead because she was so shallow she didn't want to be seen with a guy that had flippers for feet. Ian, my wife, Willy, and I all heard about the drama in Greenland, and we decided to check it out because those weird people were unfortunately our very best friends. So we joined a nudist colony outside of Nuuk. But then we realized that joining a nudist colony in Greenland was probably not the smartest thing. So we gave up our naked-people ways and went to try and sort out the drama that was our friends' lives. We realized that our friends were just being really shallow, so we brought in the Monty Python Spanish Inquisition and made them sit in comfy chairs until they admitted that they were all being really stupid. Crazibanana_51 refused to give up Jackson though, and although liltennisgirl loved Kartik, it was nothing compared to the way she felt about Jackson. Jackson, however, said that he was too cool for to be used in this thread anymore and refused to be an instrument in my story anymore. With that, Jackson left the story and concentrated on shooting the New Moon movie. Unfortunately, that leaves us with no guy for crazibanana_51, so she became a lonely spinster. Kartik tried to heal liltennisgirl's broken heart, but the only two people that could possibly do that were Jackson Rathbone and Josiah. So liltennisgirl went off on a quest to find the holy grail- i mean Josiah. So she went off to find Josiah, and Kartik, heartbroken by her rejection, dove into the sea, trying to get back to the mermaid he was betrothed to. He completely forgot that he was in a hamster ball, and since crazibanana_51 wouldn't let him out of it, he just floated on the ocean until a big huge whale swallowed him up, and he lived there for the next twenty years.That left crazibanana_51 absolutely furious, and she decided to start a war.It was Ian, me, my wife, Willy Wonka and crazibanana_51 against the rest of the soul-sucking guinea pig populated world. It was the bloodiest battle that the world ever saw, excepting, of course, the Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny (song by Lemon Demon). We ended up starting a concentration camp, that we made into a cooking class university place, and we taught all of our prisoners of war how to make the best cupcakes in the universe!!! Liltennisgirl came back with Josiah and SURPRISE! The very same crazed, starved weasels that gnawed on Weird Al Yankovic's face!! So we fed them some lovely tea and crumpets, and then set them loose on the rest of the world, and we won the war, and dominated the world for the rest of eternity- that is, until Jesus Christ and the apocalypse come.

What if I'm sent to an asylum when im older?

[danger will robinson]

Wow. The world would be better off. (Really, really, really funny though. )

What if sadistic_cottoncandy never wrote that?